I am not the girl who gives up. Nor am I the girl that lets anything get to me. Until now that is. I always say that MS might cause me to battle, but I am going to take it to war. When is a battle to much to handle? Honestly, I feel better. Not back to "normal", but, who is to say what "normal" is for me anymore? I don't like that my "normal" is the way I had felt at a certain point in time. Doctors ask me if I feel my new medicine is working. I tell them yes... But, the reality of the situation is that I really don't know. Yes, I feel better than I did this time last year. No, I don't feel as good as I did two years ago. But, certain things really bother me and cause me to wonder. Like the whole "MS Hug." It is extremly painful, somewhat terrifying, and according to the doctor in the emergency room, it is caused by a new lesion on my spinal cord. So, I feel "okay", yet I have progression of the disease. Where does that leave me? Am I really okay? Is the "okay" to me, "okay" to them? And, who is to say that "okay" is actually "okay?" Hmm...


I am not comfortable with being comfortable. However, in the whole case of having multiple sclerosis, I would rather be comfortable than questionable. And, if this medicine is working in the way that it is supposed to work for ME, then I am comfortable with that. That is okay to me.

I used to love "not knowing." Now, the only thing I know is that I would rather be aware, than fearful...